Towel blogger

How much do you love this stock photo?!?!? THE TABLET ISN'T EVEN ON, first of all!!

How much do you love this stock photo?!?!? THE TABLET ISN’T EVEN ON, first of all!!

I’m writing this naked. Well I have a towel on, but still. Max sleeps in our room now #DontGetRidOfYourCrib. My clothes are in our room, so I have to decide should I wake him up by getting my clothes, or blog in a towel? The latter obviously.

Other things I sacrifice with a crazy toddler:

1. I can’t pee alone anymore. And it’s not like he comes in there and just hangs out… he wants to see what’s going on and give me an ongoing narrative “mommy peeing” “mommy toilet paper” etc… It’s like a Wes Anderson movie. And he doesn’t understand the concept of personal space yet, so you can imagine the weirdness. The other day I was peeing and he brought his train in and went “choo choo” all the way up my leg as I was peeing. Do you know how hard it is to pee like that??

2. No more showering alone. He wants to come in the shower and opens the door and closes the door, and walks in there with his socks on, and tries to put his toys in there while I’m showering. Then cries because he wants to leave the room but locked himself in. Also he stares at me awkwardly, I’m embarrassed every time.

3. I haven’t slept in weeks and I have bruises everywhere. He sleeps in our bed, but he doesn’t like me sleeping in our bed. So as soon as he’s in the bed, he kicks me out. But legit kicks me. Kicks me in the lungs, the back, the neck, the face, all night until I leave.

4. He’s fucking bossy. He has the vocabulary of a 15 year old, and the attitude to go with it. I’m not allowed to sit on the couch anymore apparently because he loses his shit and gets super mad at me. I’m also not allowed to lie down because he loses his shit even harder and screams at me “MOMMY GET UP!” then slaps me and pushes me until I’m up.

5. No more eating. He won’t eat, so I don’t get to eat. Because after arguing with him for an hour to eat his food, he finally caves only if I let him eat my food on my lap from my plate.

Fact: 2 year olds are THE BEST. All of his attitude is hilarious to me, like I literally laugh the whole entire day at his ridiculous nonsense. If this is the terrible 2’s, I’m thoroughly enjoying it.

On the flip side, yesterday out of nowhere he walks over to me and says “I love you mommy”!! So, he can slap me and kick me and watch me pee all he wants. It’s worth it.