Max Goes To School (or, the crazy lady who feeds the pigeons on her lunch break)

So, I took Max to his first preschool trial day. I dropped him off at 8ish, I prepped him for weeks not to cry when I dropped him off. He’s never been dropped off anywhere before without me, except his grandparents house. So I knew it would be a shit show. The whole ride there he said he wouldn’t cry and he was very excited and proud to say that, then we pull into the parking lot, I look behind me and he’s silently crying as soon as I put the car in park! He was trying not to let me see him cry?! Killing me!! After a quick pep talk, he was good to go. Me not so much. Where’s my pep talk?!

I walked him in, waiting for the second round of crying, but that never came. He ran in, sat with the teacher and couldn’t care any less that I was leaving. THIS IS NOT HOW I PLANNED THIS. I’m weak, and emotional. I wanted him to come running back then we’d dodge the hell outta that place and go have brunch somewhere and spend the day at kiddie hipster play land with all the Logan’s, Unicorn’s, and River’s who don’t know how to share.

But alas, I walked out and I got in my car, and I didn’t. know. what. to. do. I started driving, but where was I going?! I LITERALLY DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY FREE TIME. This sounds crazy, but you have to understand that I’ve been staying at home with him for 3 years now, every day, all day for 3 years. I don’t remember what I used to do? I think I used to paint a lot, or I guess I went to work? I actually have no memory of how I could possibly fill a whole entire day to myself?? This is the saddest craziest thing I’ve ever written.

At one point after the drop off, I drove to get coffee, finished my coffee as slow as possible, which was still less than 4 minutes, because I’m on mom-toddler-rush time, all the time. If he would have been there I wouldn’t have finished it at all, in fact I probably wouldn’t have even taken a sip. Frequently I buy coffee, leave the coffee shop, then toss the full cup at some point within the hour or two after I buy it, just so I can say “I got coffee”. I’m going to be more efficient in this, from now on I’m just going to go to Starbucks, give them $4.00 and walk out. Anyway, it was nice to get to drink a warm coffee. But then what?? This is so embarrassing, you know what I did??

I just drove around the block of the coffee shop 5 or 6 times. ISN’T THAT CRAZY? I’m fucking crazy. I legitimately did not know what the else to do with my time?! I think maybe I wanted to do so many things that I just couldn’t pick one, so I ended up doing none?? Oh, I also went to the bank. Like an adult. That’s what adults do, we go to the bank.

After that, I drove around some more, I ended up at a mall… I got bored at the mall and waited for the time to tick down to when I could go pick him up again. GUYS ARE YOU READING HOW STUPID THIS IS?! I know i’m not *that* crazy, because at least I can call out that I am obviously a big crazy loser and no, I am not not okay with the fact that I couldn’t even fill 3 hours of my day, so I chose to drive aimless around a block. So, yes… crazy, big, loser, yes, I get it. And because I get it, it’s not so bad?? Like it would be way worse if I wrote this as doing that is such a normal thing that people do, right? #Justification

How weird is it gonna be when I go back to work and I have to interact with people all day again?! I’m gonna be that person, that one person that works with you that you don’t talk to because she’s a weirdo… you know who I’m talking about, you all work with her. Anyway, that’s me. And that crazy lady used to be awesome, just remember that.

tldr; When you think of a crazy work lady, think of me before I was her.