Fancy Poop

God, this year is literally the worst year ever. So much crap has happened, I can’t even keep track of it. Broken ankle, sick from Jan – March, a bunch of other horrible stuff, my car getting totalled, just the worst. THEN yesterday morning I see this huge lump on Max’s neck. Like huge though, the size of a quarter sticking out of his neck. KILL ME. I can’t even describe to you the feeling you get, I can’t. And with the way this year was going, my first thought was “of course”.

I anxiously called the doctor, he’s amazing and saw us same day, but I had to wait 7 hours for the appointment (from the time I saw the lump). Can I even describe how it was the longest 7 hours of my life?!?! Max legit played on the iPad for 7 straight hours, I couldn’t play with him, I barely fed him lunch, I just couldn’t think or do anything. I sat on my couch staring out the window for 7 hours. I tried not to get ahead of myself obviously, I’m not that panicky mom, at least not since I stopped Googling medical things when he was 4 weeks old and I diagnosed him with like 20 things he didn’t have. So I wasn’t blowing it out of proportion in my mind, but just having to wait 7 hours to hear what it could be, what tests we’d have to do, etc… just the worst. I can’t even say it was scary because it was beyond scary, it was a word I don’t even think exists.

The doctor checked it out and said everything is fine, it’s normal thankfully. Relief doesn’t even describe how I felt when I heard that. Today, I feel so lucky to have him here and healthy, and I’m so sad for anyone who’s ever had to go through anything horrible. I can’t stop looking at him and realizing how lucky I am right now.

Ok cheesy horrible post over… now for the good stuff…

Today we went to an indoor kids playground for yuppies. No seriously, you can’t get in unless your kids name is Max, Logan, Isla, or Atticus, and instead of Goldfish or Yogurt for snacks, you have to bring quinoa and kale. Everyone in there was so fancy today. No exaggeration, 5 different moms wearing blazers and fancy expensive scarves. They had their hair all done up and everything, like super fancy. Please note that I’m wearing leggings, a wrinkly sweatshirt that I yanked out of the dryer half wet, no bra, possibly no underwear, I don’t even know… and I haven’t showered yet. But good for them. Really good for them.

All the kids are playing on the slides and at the exact same time, we all smell it… it’s disgusting. Who’s child is it from? And just like dominoes, you see each mom go and smell their kids bum. It’s fucking disgusting. But they do it, and I do it, and we all do it, and shut up if you say you haven’t done it, and if you have no kids then I understand how gross this is, but you WILL do it one day, and you will enjoy it. The look of a room full of very fancy dressed business women smelling bums for poop, knowing that later this afternoon they’re probably going to pitch some fancy marketing strategy they worked all night on to an exec at a major company and have to be super professional about it, KNOWING that 2 hours prior they smelled someones bum for poo, it makes my day just that much brighter.